04/01/12: a lost muse

I spent most of the weekend wandering the AIPAD photography gallery show at The Armory. I must have looked at thousands of photographs. So many great and inspirational images. Some of my favorite pictures were portraits and nudes of the photographers’ muses. At times, as I walked down the aisles filled with photographs, I wanted to run home, grab one of my favorite models and start shooting. At times I was so inspired I needed to sit and rest. I felt out of breath. The weight of my inspiration was too heavy to bear.

Throughout the show there were several groups of portraits of Frida Kahlo. As a great artist she met and knew many photographers and was often photographed. The portraits of her are amazing. So much personal strength.

marieka at my desk

Every time I see a portrait of Frida it reminds me of my friend Marieka and it makes me frustrated and sad. In my heart and soul, Marieka is supposed to be my muse. Marieka won’t let me photograph her. Sometimes my need to have Marieka sitting in front of me and photograph her feels desperate.

I’m not sure why? Photographing Madison, Erin, and Alison is so fulfilling. There’s something different about Marieka and the connection I feel with her. I can explain with pictures but they only exist in my imagination.

We once tried a quick portrait but nothing was there. Marieka didn’t want me to take a good picture. Nothing of her soul (or mine) appears in the photographs. I did manage to get one quick snapshot on another night Marieka stopped by my apartment. I love the photograph. I’ll always hope to take more.

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